This holiday season, get your friends a gift they’ll actually use. Hell, while you’re at it, you might as well get them a gift that makes a passive aggressive statement. Get the friend who always smokes your weed some weed of their own. Get your dad a phone that works both ways. And if you’re wondering what to get for the friend that never texts you back and always complains that their “phone just died,” look no further than these four portable chargers.
Power Bank 10K (Belkin, $29.99)
This portable charger is the perfect gift for the type of friend who expects you to respond immediately but won’t respond to your text for about 48 hours, at which point they’ll casually say, “Sorry, didn’t see this. Phone died.” This gift is what we like to call a “net zero”: you give them the gift of a portable charger but in doing so, you also take away their excuse to be a huge bitch.
Rose Vibe Checkered MagSafe Battery Power Pack (Velvet Caviar, $65)
This handy dandy wireless battery pack is so easy to use that you’ll never have to guess when your friend is going to arrive for your meticulously planned dinner again – their phone will finally be fucking charged! Plus, the checkered design makes it impossible to lose, even though your friend will claim they’ve lost it after about a week. Nice try, sicko! This one’s impossible to miss!
Clutch Pro USB-C (Clutch, $39.99)
This bad boy is thin, magnetic, and carries up to 5,000 mAh of power, whatever the fuck that means! Giving your friend this charger as a gift this holiday season will have them saying, “Are you trying to tell me something?” and the answer is yes! Stop being an unreliable shit. I’m just trying to love you!
iPhone 16 (Apple, $929)
For the friend for whom a portable charger is not enough, get them a brand-new fucking phone! They can’t even be mad that you’re making a direct and mean statement about their unresponsiveness because you just got them a brand-new fucking phone. With this new iPhone 16, equipped with Apple Intelligence and a hefty battery life, they’ll never be allowed to say they didn’t see your call, because – as mentioned – they’ll have a second fucking phone!
There you have it: the perfect gift guide for the friend who is never available to you. Any of these gifts could save your relationship, or – alternatively – you could have an open and honest conversation about how their flakiness makes you feel. New iPhone is a great second option though!
