In an inspiring tale of getting away with shit, Denver-based Samantha Coates is a petite woman with a talent for avoiding accountability.
If you think that Samantha is rude, uncouth, or just plain mean, you’re wrong! Samantha is just too small and little to do any wrong.
“As a child, I was teased for being the shortest in my grade,” Samantha says. “So now I’ve turned that experience into a weapon to tear down and gaslight anyone who reproaches me.”
Teach us your ways, girlfriend!
“Currently I’m being charged with committing major credit card fraud,” says Samantha. “But I mean, look at me; I’m 5’0’. Too small to commit big crime!”
Brian, Samantha’s childhood friend, is a witness to her erratic and manipulative behaviors..
“Yeah, it’s really weird the way she can get into people’s heads,” Brian says. “Samantha once stole $100 from my wallet. I wasn’t even that mad, I just wished she had asked me before taking it. When I tried to confront her, she was like, ‘You’re mad at me because I’m so small and you think I look like a sad little weasel!’ It was so weird I couldn’t even finish our conversation.”
You go, Samantha, standing up to and stealing from anyone 5’5 and above!
Tasty, Samantha’s former roommate was not enthused to speak about the short woman.
“When I lived with Samantha she never cleaned up after herself. I would be like Samantha can you wash the dishes and then she would be like, I can’t clean I am much like a little flower, too small and too delicate.”
“What can I say? I’m so petite I guess I just can’t do anything right,” Samantha says.
What happened to Samantha’s fraud charges? Dropped! The judge ruled that Samantha is in fact too petite to have committed fraud, despite overwhelming evidence that suggests otherwise.
She may be small, but she is mighty good at getting away with evil!