Wow! This Woman Just Spent 40 Minutes Investigating A Twitter Beef Even Though She Has but One Life on God’s Green Earth

Some people just march to the beat of their own drums, and Kelsea Green proves it: This young woman spent 40 precious minutes reading through and researching a Twitter beef that bears no relevance to her whatsoever, and all while she has but one life to live on this miraculous blue marble.


“This tweet about a video game popped up on my timeline,” Kelsea says. “I didn’t know the person who tweeted it, or what they were talking about, but it seemed like they were in a very heated argument with another stranger about whether the game constituted positive bi representation. So I just kind of dove into it.”


To dedicate time and mental energy to a meaningless activity that doesn’t enrich any aspect of one’s fleeting existence and isn’t even fun would strike some as a complete waste of time, but Kelsea doesn’t see it that way.


“Well I wouldn’t say that I don’t see it that way,” Kelsea says. “I didn’t think of it like that, actually. Anyway, I was just trying to get all the details on the disagreement between these two gamers by reading everything they’ve tweeted at each other, subtweets relevant to the beef, and other random people’s opinions on both the video game in question and the beefing individuals. There were so many threads.”


Sources report Kelsea has never played a video game, isn’t even bi, and has no idea when the clock on her precious time experiencing human connection and the pain and wonder of life on Earth and will run out.


“After almost an hour of investigation, I accidentally clicked the home button and lost everything, so then I just moved on,” Kelsea says. “I wouldn’t say I learned anything, per se, but I would say the whole experience left me feeling a little bit anxious and bad?”


Kelsea lives within walking distance of multiple free museums and hasn’t spoken to her brother, who she loves and gets along with well, in six weeks.



“They say to live like you’re dying, but no one really does that,” Kelsea says. “Maybe it’s less about being adventurous, and more about finding meaning by being present, grateful, and intentional. But I choose to do neither and just sort of avoid thinking about it.”


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