In an astounding story out of Brooklyn, NY, 27-year-old Dalia Walsh said that in her almost three decades of being alive, she has never not taken it personally.
Okay, impressive!
“I live my life in an authentic, raw, and extremely emotionally-fraught way,” Dalia explained to reporters. “Everything bad that happens to me happens because I’m me. The universe is not indifferent to my plight, I can tell you that much. It’s actively trying to hinder me.”
Sources close to Dalia said she heard the advice “don’t take it personally” and decided to go in the other direction with it entirely.
“Some of the things she takes personally are ill-advised, but still pretty understandable,” Dalia’s roommate, Maria, told reporters. “Like, when she didn’t get that job she interviewed for. I can understand feeling like it was because they didn’t like something about you personally. But some other things she takes personally just don’t even make any sense. Like, she was personally offended when we went to do laundry and all of the washers were in use. How could that possibly be a personal attack against her?”
Dalia explained her way of thinking, saying, “When something good happens to me, that’s just luck, or a favorable alignment of the planets. But when something bad happens to me? Honey, that’s personal. Someone didn’t like something about me and wanted to punish me for it.”
Seems like a bit of a stretch, but okay, girl!
However, sources close to Dalia said she does not hold the same belief in regards to the good things that befall her.
“She never attributes anything good that happens to her to some personal success on her end,” one of Dalia’s friends, Jamie, told reporters. “When she got promoted at her job, instead of accepting praise for doing good work, she just said ‘they have to promote everyone eventually.’ That just seems like a sad way to live.”
Reporters weren’t sure how that would apply to situations like when Dalia went to the coffee shop next to her apartment to get a chocolate croissant, but they were all out when she got there, and suggested that Dalia might just have low self-esteem and be projecting it onto every experience she has.
At press time, Dalia was unavailable for comment, as she could “no longer communicate with reporters who so obviously had it out for her.”
So valid! If that were actually the case, that is.
