Earlier this morning, it was reported that 25-year-old Kendra DePina’s walk of shame was actually pretty amazing and not at all shameful because she had just experienced an evening full of hot, kinky sex.
“I’m sure people can tell that I’m walking home from my sex partner’s apartment right now,” said Kendra. “But this certainly isn’t a walk of shame for me. It’s more like a casual stroll of deep satisfaction and contentment.”
Kendra, who is carrying herself with the bouncy, smug air that only someone who spent the night getting her cheeks clapped can possess, went on to explain her dignity in the face of what is normally an undignified event.
“Sure, I’m wearing the outfit that I wore to the bar last night while people are walking around me in their Sunday best,” Kendra said. “And sure, I probably smell like stale perfume and latex and that bowl we smoked at like 2am. But if anything, those are all indications that I had a great night last night, not reasons to feel embarrassed.”
“I feel like only prudes would think this is shameful, and I’m definitely not one,” she added. “I feel excellent.”
Passersby are taking notice.
“It’s pretty obvious that she’s doing a walk of shame,” said Jacob Howard, a pedestrian who walked past Kendra. “But it’s also pretty clear that she’s feeling proud about what I’m sure was a sexy night. I guess I would too, now that I’m thinking about it.”
“I remember those days,” said Doreen Willard-Hemsforth, an older woman sat outside at a cafe Kendra sauntered by. “We can all tell what she’s been up to, but we can also tell that she’s had an adventurous past few hours. He was a good lover, it’s written all over her face, the dear.”
And, according to Kendra, they’re right.
“In college, I would do anything to avoid people knowing that I was doing a walk of shame,” Kendra said. “I’d stumble across campus in high heels so I wouldn’t have to hold them, I’d steal a pair of whatever boy’s sweatpants to wear back to my dorm. Once I even hid in the bathroom at a dining hall all day until it was an appropriate time for me to be wearing a mini skirt again. Never again will I feel guilty for getting my back blown out.”
“In fact, it’s pretty hard not to look happy while I’m walking home picturing last night,” she added.