In a story out of Chicago, IL, after not hearing what her friend said at a slightly loud house party, 26-year-old Malia Austen has now entered the dicey “laughing and nodding” stage of the conversation, simply hoping for the best.
“Of course, I first offered one obligatory, ‘What?’ after not hearing what she said,” Malia told reporters. “But then when I still didn’t hear what she said for a second time, I was forced to just laugh, nod, and hope what she said wasn’t of any real importance.”
Malia explained that this stage was then followed by the high-risk “wholehearted agreement” stage.
“This stage is super tricky,” Malia said. “It could help me end the current topic of conversation, but it could also put me in a very sticky situation if my friend had actually said something like, ‘Ugh, I’m just a worthless piece of shit.’ That’s a hard one to talk yourself out of. Trust me, I’ve been there. I think it worked in this case, though!”
Arlo Thompson, the friend to whom Malia had been speaking at the party, said it definitely didn’t work and that it was super obvious that Malia hadn’t heard what she’d said.
“I’d just told her my girlfriend and I had broken up and was slightly surprised when she just smiled and nodded,” Arlo told reporters. “But I would’ve disregarded it had she not then chosen to loudly yell ‘Yes!’ and give me a double thumbs up after I politely changed the subject and asked her when her next art show was. It was all just super confusing and kind of off-putting. If she couldn’t hear me, she should’ve just said something.”
Instead, after her unprompted and ill-timed thumbs up, Arlo said that Malia opted for the following sequence of events: letting an icy awkwardness form between them, pointing to her drink and mouthing the words, “So good,” briefly doing an off-beat cabbage patch to the music, waving goodbye, then sprinting to the bathroom.
“It was just all so awkward,” Arlo said. “We’ve been friends forever. I don’t know why she couldn’t just tell me she didn’t know what we were talking about. Instead, she made me feel like she didn’t care about my break up and that she wanted to escape the conversation as soon as possible. I don’t know how that’s better.”
At press time, Malia was still in the bathroom waiting for everyone to leave the party. When a reporter knocked on the door and asked if anyone was in there, Malia obviously didn’t hear them, offering a vague laugh followed by, “17!” The reporter said they had no idea what she was talking about, and couldn’t follow up with her for a statement because things were now so weird between them.
