In a story out of Dallas, TX, 28-year-old Maria Haskell has spent the last week post-election comforting all of the men in her life about the unfortunate loss of her own rights.
“I haven’t really even had time to process the news myself,” Maria told reporters. “I’ve been listening to my male friends’ lamentations about the next four years pretty much nonstop since Trump was elected. I haven’t even had time to start to make a game plan for if I actually need to get an abortion in the coming years, but Dan really needed a hug today, I guess.”
Maria told reporters that it’s not that she enjoys listening to the men in her life complain about issues that actually impact her directly, she just feels obligated to shoulder the weight of the emotional labor in all of her relationships with men, platonic or otherwise.
“I think I’ve just been socialized to prioritize other’s emotional well-being over my own,” Maria said. “I always make sure to make it clear to my friends that I’m available if they need care, comfort, or simply a listening ear. My female friends have responded in kind, and my male friends have barraged me with texts, phone calls, and random conspiracy theories over coffee for the better part of the last week.”
After a brief speculative pause, she added, “Now that I think about it, I don’t think any of my guy friends have actually asked me how I’m doing.”
When asked whether they’d given Maria a chance to vent her frustrations –– or even let her know that they’re available if she needed someone to talk to –– Maria’s male friends were at a loss.
“I didn’t realize that was something she would need, or even want,” said Maria’s roommate, Aaron MacDonald. “She’s just such a good listener, I just never assumed she had anything to say. Plus, I just have all these feelings, you know?”
As of press time, Maria had told her male friends she was no longer available to listen to them, as she was now busy processing her own emotions and making a tangible plan for how she’s going to approach the next four years. She also wanted to make it clear that she would only be available to hang if they would be providing food, drinks, or, at the very least, their streaming passwords.
“It’s the least they can do,” she said.
