Woman Reconsiders Desire for Success When She Realizes She Might Have to Wake Up Early

In an understandable story emerging out of Bushwick, Brooklyn, young professional Paloma Nguyen has reconsidered her desire for success upon being informed that she might have to wake up early to achieve it.


“I heard that some CEOs and actors wake up at like, 4 a.m., but I thought that was a big joke we were all in on!” said Nguyen, who enjoys regularly waking up at 10:00 a.m. “Like, ‘Haha! Imagine doing something so ridiculous!’”


Reporters gathered at the scene informed Nguyen that no, this was a real thing people did, and it was even expected of them.


“Even if they don’t wake up that early, they’re definitely up by 6:30, 7 a.m.” said a friend, Martin Welles. Upon confirmation of this distressing news, Nguyen fell to her knees.


“What?” she replied, tears welling in her eyes. “But…aren’t they tired?”


“No,” Martin continued. “They go to bed early.”



This comment only made matters worse: Nguyen rolled over on the floor, crying, “Early?! Like, how early? Midnight?” Reporters at the scene confirm the situation was quickly turning tragic.


When informed that many successful people go to bed as early as 10 p.m., Nguyen did some mental math/life planning for a solid three minutes before deciding it was time to take her life down a different path.


“I used to think success was the most important thing,” Nguyen said. “But maybe it’s time I reexamine my priorities. This one crazy life isn’t about the mark we leave on the world once we’re gone, but rather how we enjoy our time here. And I enjoy watching shocking docu-series until 3 a.m. then sleeping till noon.”


“I guess I need to find a goal that isn’t related to work if being good at work means waking up early,” Nguyen added. “Maybe I should start a family? Parents can sleep when they want, right?”


Good luck, girl!