In an admirable if confusing demonstration of thinking differently, 28-year-old Van Brooks has packed an amount of underwear for her weekend lake trip that would seem to indicate she plans on spending the whole 48 hours shitting.
“We’re heading out to my friend’s aunt’s lake house on Saturday morning, then coming back Sunday night,” Van says. “So, I’m bringing one bathing suit, sweatpants for nighttime, a couple shorts and tees, and then 18 pairs of underwear.”
To prepare for the single-night trip, Van scooped up every pair of clean underwear in her dresser, then took all of her worn underwear out of her hamper and placed them in a plastic bag because she heard the house has a washer-dryer unit.
“Well you just have to think,” Van says, “you’re going to want a fresh pair every time you shower, every time you get out of the lake, plus baseline a clean pair to sleep in and a clean pair for each day.”
While she feels assured in her explanation, the numbers aren’t adding up, leading many to believe she has more nefarious plans in store.
“In the planning group chat Van sent a picture of her packed bag with the text ‘already in vacation mode’, but I couldn’t really process anything except for the fact that her duffle bag was literally overflowing with underwear,” says a friend, Jenny Chen. “I texted her privately asking if she was dealing with explosive diarrhea and needed some help, but she claimed that wasn’t the case.”
“I’m just nervous,” Jenny adds. “It’s my aunt’s house we’re going to, and this packing approach leaves me with no choice but to assume that there’s going to be a stream of shit coming out of her ass that requires almost hourly underwear changes. Will she even have time to play ping pong? To make s’mores and bond with the group? Besides, can the cabin-style plumbing handle all the dumps she’s about to let loose?”
However, Van maintains she is just being proactive.
“Better to be overprepared!” she says. “But I don’t have room in my bag for anything else, so hopefully someone will let me use their toothbrush!”
