After two years of not wearing her retainer, 27-year-old Meredith Keens is now desperately trying to squeeze her teeth into it, much like the lead in a 2000s rom-com trying to fit into her wedding dress after a week of hijinks and revelry.
What is there to do? We don’t know – PUSH!
“I didn’t believe my dentist when she said my teeth would move,” Meredith told reporters gathered at the scene. “But they obviously have, and now I’m desperate to make my retainer fit against its will. This is just like Emma in Bride Wars trying to fit into her wedding dress after Liz sent her candy for a week. As sabotage!”
While reporters didn’t get this exact reference, they watched the movie to confirm that it did seem like a similar scenario, and they loved it! So fun!
Much like a stubborn blonde in a 2000s film who was overconfident that she’d remain a size 00 in the months leading up to her wedding, Meredith came in extremely confident that her retainer would fit perfectly after months of ignoring it in her medicine cabinet. Upon realizing it didn’t anymore, she let loose a very high-pitched scream, high enough that a nearby dog turned its head for comedic effect.
Sources confirm it was a scream akin to Regina George realizing she no longer fit into her prom dress as a result of Cady feeding her Kälteen bars.
Meredith then tried to reposition her retainer over her teeth and even asked her roommate – Tina Freed – to help, yelling, “I don’t care if it’s comfortable! It just has to fit!”
“I’ve really never seen her like this,” Tina told reporters. “It was a real bridezilla moment, which is surprising because last time I checked, she isn’t even dating. Did I miss something? Did her situationship pop the question?”
“Now I have to lose 15 pounds – I mean, realign my jaw – by the big day!” Meredith continued, mascara streaming down her face. Reporters had not been informed of any big day looming in her future, but it seems to be more like a metaphorical big day than a literal one.
As of press time, Meredith had finally accepted that her retainer would probably not fit her teeth and that she should cut her losses and get a new one. Just kidding – she yanked it around until it reluctantly fit over her teeth, causing immeasurable pain and certain gum damage. Congrats on the big day, lucky lady!
image credit: Vita Tanden
