27-year-old Cora Beaumont is no stranger to the struggle of trying to attain proper work-life balance: She says she barely has time to make dinner after scrolling on her phone for hours after work.
“It’s pretty crazy,” Cora told reporters. “I get done with work at 5:30, and by the time I’m done aimlessly scrolling TikTok on my phone for three hours, it’s already 8:30. Then I pretty much only have enough time to make dinner and go to bed. It’s a sad way to live.”
While sources close to Cora agree that the 40-hour workweek is an archaic standard that is an overall detriment to people’s lives and should probably be abandoned, they also say she might be a little bit to blame for her situation.
“I don’t know, has she ever considered maybe not scrolling on her phone for three hours after work?” posited Cora’s roommate, Dev. “We finish work at the same time, and I’m able to work out then spend some time on my hobbies before she even gets up from the couch. Maybe she wouldn’t feel so rushed if she just cut down on her phone time.”
In response to Dev’s statements, Cora was appalled, saying she couldn’t believe Dev was “taking the side of the corporations.”
“It’s pretty embarrassing the way Dev is supporting outdated societal norms and assisting in the ongoing oppression of the working class,” said Cora, which reporters thought was taking it kind of far. “Maybe if I didn’t have to work eight hours a day, I could get my TikTok scrolling out of the way earlier and then have more time in my evenings to do other stuff, like thinking about working out or watching YouTube instead of TikTok.”
Cora’s boss says it’s pretty obvious that Cora is already doing some TikTok scrolling during the day, and that she gives her a pretty long leash already.
“I mean, she’s offline from 11 a.m. to 1 p.m. and then again from 2 p.m. to 4 p.m.,” Cora’s boss, Brianna, told reporters. “To be fair, I don’t know what she’s doing at that time, but she’s definitely not working. I’m not a stickler about it either, as long as she gets her work done, I’m fine with how she spends her time.”
“A leash is a leash, no matter how long it is, or whether it’s attached to a harness or a collar!” said Cora, who was kind of getting lost in the metaphor. “Scrolling TikTok during working hours is different from scrolling TikTok off the clock!”
At press time, Cora had doubled down on her “abolish the 40-hour workweek” stance, which, yeah, everyone did agree with, but they felt like Cora was missing the point.
