In a beautiful piece of performance art emerging from a local bookstore in Dallas, TX, 26-year-old Ariel Ignacci convincingly lingered in the nonfiction section as if she was actually considering getting something there before she picked up the smut that she came here for.
“I came here to pick up Julius and the Flowers of Creon, which I have heard described as a ‘porn book’ every single time it is mentioned and in several reviews from reputable sources,” she whispered to reporters gathered at the scene. “But you can’t just walk into a bookstore and beeline for the porn section. It’s uncouth.”
Sources confirm Ariel arrived at the bookstore, made a big show of looking around at how big it was and how many books there were, then settled at the nonfiction table and started reading back covers.
“The first thing that clued me in to this ruse is she spent only about three seconds reading each back cover,” said bookstore employee Mandy Freedman. “There’s no way you got enough information there, girl.”
When asked which books she looked at on the nonfiction table, Ariel could not, for the life of her, remember.
“Every third book, she would glance at the back then open it up and pretend to read a few pages, but yet again, she was going way too fast for it to be believable or her eyes weren’t moving across the words,” Mandy continued. “It was really obvious she was just waiting for everyone to stop looking at her before she went to the ‘Young Adult 18+ Mature Themes’ section.”
“Young Adult 18+ Mature Themes” is how the bookstore designates books that are pretty simple, reading-level wise, but also have hardcore porn in them that children absolutely should not read. This is where most of Ariel’s favorite books reside.
Sources confirm after spending 20 minutes perusing the nonfiction section, which is way too long even for people who were there for the right reasons, she quickly snuck off to the 18+ section, only to realize her book was nowhere to be found.
Ariel added: “Having to go up to the info counter and ask for my smut? Devastating.”
She whispered the book title to Mandy, who told her – at full volume – that they did have a copy over in the section labeled, “SMUT READS.”
As of press time, Ariel had purchased the book and read the entire thing on the subway on the way home.
