In a spooky story out of Salem, MA, 29-year-old Kayla Waterson just crafted an entirely new outfit solely out of the clothes she already owns.
“I don’t even know how it happened,” Kayla told reporters, sounding fearful of her own newly discovered powers. “I just grabbed a shirt that I’ve had forever and a pair of pants that I’ve had forever and then, suddenly –– WHAM –– I was hit with an outfit I’ve never seen before in my entire life. It was cool but also very, very sinister.”
Kayla said she is still deciding whether she’ll use her powers for good or evil.
“Yes, I’m scared of the newly found supernatural capabilities I’ve discovered within myself,” she said. “But once I come to terms with that, there’s going to need to be a lot of soul-searching regarding how I plan to use said capabilities.”
Those close to Kayla were initially awed by Kayla’s ability to rock a never-before-seen outfit without having to purchase any new clothes at all.
“I was meeting her for coffee and the minute I saw her I knew something was up,” Kayla’s friend, Madison, told reporters. “She was wearing an outfit I had never seen before, even though she had just been texting me about how she wanted to go thrifting because she was ‘so sick’ of all her old clothes. When she told me neither the shirt she was wearing nor the pants were new, I knew I was witnessing something really special.”
However, others in Kayla’s life were wary, and even angry, regarding this discovery.
“No one should be able to look different and new without having to spend money on new clothes!” said Kayla’s roommate, Andrea. “It’s not fair! Somebody needs to stop her!”
Okay, Salem witch trials vibes!
However, in spite of the growing suspicion and occasional vitriol from her community, Kayla said she’s excited to further learn how to use her powers.
“What if I wore a dress with a pair of shoes I’d never worn with it before? Would that have the same effect? The possibilities are endless!”
As of press time, Andrea had started a moral panic about who else in their community might be dabbling in similar witchery, forcing Kayla to make a hard decision: “It’s settled. I’m using these powers for evil. Time to make Andrea feel envious of my clothes and hateful toward her newly purchased wardrobe every time I see her.”
