The temperatures are dropping, the last of the leaves have fallen from the trees, and all you want to do is go home and bury yourself under your roommate’s fancy cashmere blanket. While you’re at it, why not warm up your winter with a bowl of hearty, piping hot soup that can also be used as a douche when you find the leftovers in the freezer in a couple of months? These five recipes are guaranteed to take the chill out of December or clean you out in the spring; whichever you prefer!
Roasted Butternut Squash Soup
Bring the bounty of winter squash into mealtime and your vagina’s spring cleaning with this creamy favorite. With that sweet, nutty flavor you love, butternut squash is the perfect base for a rich, warming soup that will also smell amazing wafting from below once the weather warms up. Puree in blender or food processor using plenty of chicken stock, and add curry powder if you think your lower mucous membranes are gonna need it come March.
Quinoa and Cauliflower Chowder
Loaded with garlic, bell pepper, carrots, and cauliflower, this low-carb chowder is just as nice to eat on a chilly winter night as it is to clean up with before you Netflix and chill in the springtime. Hearty quinoa makes this vegetarian soup perfect for lunch, a light dinner, or last-minute douching sesh. And did we mention it’s gluten-free? This high-fiber dish is safe for every woman’s nature pocket.
Slow-Cooker Beef Stew
You’ll love the home-style flavor of this stew—a dish so thick, you can stand a spoon in it and flush out every culture naturally found in your body. For a quick start, be sure to trim the meat and cut the veggies the night before. You’ll also want to clean the turkey baster because there is absolutely no way you’re going to get that this hearty stew up there with just a standard bag tube mount!
Tuscan Kale Soup with Celeriac
From the rolling hills of Tuscany to the dark crevices of your vajay, nothing says balanced meal and vaginal irrigation quite like a combination of kale, beans, and turnip-rooted celery. Warm and chunky, this healthy vegetarian soup is full of flavor and perfect for resurfacing those vaginal walls after a long, dry winter. Don’t forget to serve with a crusty baguette!
Old-Fashioned Chicken Noodle Soup
Just like grandma used to make (and probably rinse with as well), this classic soup hits the spot every time. Throw in your favorite egg noodles and veggies to create a nourishing meal that can be enjoyed any night of the week. Stir in fresh lemon juice at the end to add a bright citrus note and ensure your overly basic vagina has a proper pH balance.
And that wraps up our short list of fave winter meals that make even better leftovers for your lady cave. Remember to garnish all you want—just make sure it’s something you’ll look forward to rinsing with come spring!
