There are a million different reasons to decide to have kids. Maybe you’ve always wanted to start a family of your own, maybe you want to give someone the childhood you never had, or maybe you just want someone to blame if your makeup looks kind of bad. This last reason is what got me started on my parenting journey.
Right now, if my makeup looks subpar, I have to weather the “Rough night?” or “In a rush this morning?” comments that my coworkers haven’t actually said, but I know they’re thinking. However, once I have kids, I can shut down those thoughts immediately by yelling, “The baby kept me up all night!” out of nowhere to a room full of my coworkers. That’ll shut them up.
By having a kid, I would no longer have to worry if people think I’m a slob because my makeup looks a little off. No one would dare judge a mother like that.
If I’m trying out a new makeup look for a first date and it doesn’t go as planned but I don’t have time to redo it because I’m already running late? Just blame it on my kid. If I do my makeup in my dimly lit room, only for it to not look the same in the harsh light of day? Oh, I let my kid do my eyeshadow today. Try and judge me now, jackass.
It doesn’t matter if what I’m saying is true, all that matters is that I’ll have a tiny human to blame for my sloppy eyeliner application.
While the whole “having someone to blame if my makeup looks a little off” thing is pretty much my entire reason for wanting kids, I do understand that there are other benefits and joys of raising children. You can also blame them if your clothes look sloppy, if your apartment is a mess, or if you’re running an hour late even though you texted “Be there in five!” 30 minutes ago.
Just pull a “North posted this while playing games on my phone” and boom! You’re free of any social consequences.
At the end of the day, I know I’ll love my child with my entire being, but if there were a way to blame my cat for my smudged mascara, I’d definitely just do that instead.
