Why I’m Not Having Kids Unless Someone Leaves a Baby On My Doorstep

The idea of parenthood gives me a lot of anxiety. While I know a lot of people look forward to it and even think procreation is their life’s purpose, my response is: “Um, I’m okay, thanks.” Having kids just isn’t for me. That is, unless, someone anonymously leaves a bundled-up newborn in a cradle on my doorstep on a dark and stormy night.


Having kids isn’t financially possible for many adults in their childbearing years, especially millennials struggling through underpaying jobs, overwhelming student loan debt, and unaffordable health insurance. Raising a healthy child requires stable healthcare, having a home that can support a growing family, and being able to plan for a child’s future and success. But I suppose if, by chance, someone abandoned a little peanut on my front stoop in the dead of the night and I awoke to its pitiful cries, I’d step up and do the right thing, you know?



I’m also afraid of the harsh world I would bring a child into. It’s a scary time right now for various reasons. Compounded with possibly passing down mental health issues that run in my family, it could be disastrous for an innocent child entering this imperfect world. And the toll a pregnancy can take on a woman’s body? Can you imagine juggling all that along with your own financial burdens? I couldn’t, unless someone ding-dong ditched an infant on my front step. Then I’d have to and I absolutely would. I’m not saying do it, but I’m not not; you know what I mean?


There’s such a stigma against adults like me who elect not to make sacrifices necessary to have kids. Some of us don’t have that paternal instinct or entered careers and lifestyles that aren’t compatible with parenthood. It’s not fair for children to be raised by parents who can’t be there for them. So, of course, I’m not saying that parenting in general is wrong. I’m just saying that I’m exercising my choice not to have my kids unless destiny dumped an unclaimed one on my welcome mat. In that case, I’d accept that child and the accompanying parenthood I didn’t ask for with wide-open, non-soliciting arms.


Anyway, please give me a random baby.