I’m Always Here if You Want to Talk, Unless I’m At a Sandals Resort

Hey ladybug. I know it’s kind of cheesy to say, but I can tell you’ve got something on your mind, so here goes: I’m here for you if you ever need to talk about anything at any time. Okay? I mean that. If you want someone to vent to, or cry with, or someone who can take your mind off of everything, I’m so there. That is, unless I’m vacationing at a Sandals luxury all-inclusive resort. In that case, I would not be here, but I would, in fact, be in my condo in the Caribbean where my cell phone bill goes through the roof if I use it even for texting.


You know that, right? I am always here for you unless I’m at Sandals which is about twice a year.



I would really hate for you to feel like you have to bottle everything up; with me, there’s no judgment here. That’s what best friends are for. Except, if I’m in St. Lucia bumming free food off the buffet table of a destination wedding. At that point, holding your sadness inside is probably the considerate choice seeing as I would be on island time. There’s no venting at Sandals!


Hey, remember how supportive you were when Mike and I broke up? You were the one person who got me through those six months. You made me delete his number from my phone. You took me out dancing. You trash-talked him with a viciousness that only best friends of the scorned can convey. And you didn’t even think twice about it, because you are just that selfless and also because you had no previous plans to enjoy the Sandals Difference during my painful recovery period. Are their vacation packages first-rate for value and comfort? Yes. Did that sway you? No. You’re the kind of friend people write songs about, it’s just that I can’t get out of this timeshare but it’s okay because I love it.


I guess what I’m saying is, you are a dear friend to me, and I want to be there for you just like you were there for me: at a time in which it didn’t completely destroy your chance to sip Blue Lagoons on a manmade beach with your Dedicated Club Sandals Concierge.



Anyway, I have a plane to catch. Don’t be shy—text me literally any time after the 21st. We’ll do brunch. I am planning on going to all of the Sandals Theme Nights, though… so if I meet a handsome real estate agent and decide to shack up with him for a while, I could be off the grid for much longer. I don’t know. Just use your best judgment. I trust you so much; you’re like a sister to me. But this week trade was too good a deal to pass up.


Sorry again about your grandpop. As they apparently say in St. Lucian Creole, at least he’s in Syél now! Love ya, babe!