I’m Anti-Establishment, Unless The Establishment Happens To Agree With Me

I’m a hardworking American, and the current political establishment has failed to reflect me. After years of feeling powerless against its unseen forces, I’m ready to take it down. That is, unless the establishment happens to agree with me, despite any amount of damning evidence that could convince me otherwise.


You see, I’m completely anti-establishment unless the establishment happens to benefit me. This is why I voted for an outsider who owes nothing to any company or corporate interest, except for the ones he never really told us about. Within his first few days as president-elect, Trump has already begun draining the swamp of our corrupt system by proposing a tax plan that gives the top one-percent about half of the overall tax cut benefits. As the multi-millionaire owner of an arts and crafts store in Oklahoma, I couldn’t agree with this definition of “anti-establishment” more.


Is it too much to ask for a populist candidate who campaigns against special interests groups I oppose on religious grounds, like Planned Parenthood? Because I’m so tired of our country being controlled by their greed! I’m ready for a maverick president who never gets involved with lobbies of any kind, aside from the gun lobby, the National Right to Life lobby and any other lobby that reinforces my specific worldview.


That’s right. I’m done with Washington, except for when it specifically and institutionally favors my interests.


Some people call me a hypocrite for my anti-establishment, establishment stance, but to those people I say: the joke’s on you! I actually don’t even know what “the establishment” means. I just wanted something onto which I could project my own anger and sense of powerlessness, and this seemed like an amorphous enough concept to absorb it.



In reality, I love the establishment as long as it props up my own beliefs.


But that doesn’t mean I’m not still against the business elite. I’m definitely all for the people, especially the people on our president-elect’s transition team, which includes representatives from corporations like Altria, Visa, Coca-Cola, General Electric, Verizon, HSBC, Pfizer, Dow Chemical, Duke Energy and K Street.


While this may look like “the establishment” at first glance, if you look deeper, it actually looks the same at a second and third glance, too. Trump might dismantle the Dodd-Frank Act, giving some of these businesses greater freedom to do whatever the fuck they want at the expense of our national economy, so don’t tell me I’m not a renegade! Just like our soon-to-be president, I’m a completely out-of-the box thinker who wants to take down our crooked system from the inside, unless all the phony politicians who run it happen to agree with me.