Earlier this year, I decided to make a concerted effort to get into yoga. However, I quickly realized that it was way too much work for way too slow of a payoff.
However, soon after, I found something that would give me the exact same benefits of yoga (plus, many more) without the consistency, commitment, or “connection to my body”: cracking my back on my straight-edged work chair.
I first picked up yoga as a way to unwind after work – little did I know that I could unwind during work simply by turning around in my chair and waiting until I heard a pop. It’s so much easier and I’ve saved so much time.
Twisting in my chair to crack my back proved to be much easier than whatever the fuck a downward dog is, and I don’t even have to stand up! Plus, I just like the sound of my back cracking. Yoga doesn’t give me that instant gratification.
While yoga helped me center my spirit and ground myself in the moment, twisting in my chair to crack my back helped me crack my back real nice.
Is the rest of my body falling by the wayside? Of course! But that doesn’t even matter because my spine is as loose and lubricated as it has ever been, and that is all that really matters to me.
The benefits I was hoping to achieve from regular yoga practice – increased flexibility, improved mobility, stress reduction – are all things I can achieve in an instant by using my chair to crack my back. Plus, I get the added benefit of achieving a satisfying crack and having my coworker be like, “Oh my god, was that your back?”
Want to improve your athletic performance? Yoga could definitely help with that, but cracking your back with your chair will help you forget you ever wanted to do that in the first place. All you’ll want to do is sit around until your back is ready to crack again. And, really, isn’t that so much better?
Other things I have given up on since learning I could crack my back using my work chair include: eating a balanced diet, getting anything done at work at all, and keeping in contact with my friends and family. Who needs that when you can twist around in your chair and make it sound like your spine is filled with bubble wrap?
Plus, beyond just the physical benefits, cracking my back on my chair has also inexplicably improved my memory, my credit score, my ability to beat my boyfriend at Scrabble, and my Uber rating. Or at least that’s what I tell my friends when they ask me why I’ve stopped showing up to yoga classes.
So while, yeah, yoga has its benefits – I think I’ll stick to cracking my back on my chair from here on out.
