The stars can say a lot about the kind of person you are in bed. While some of us hold our partners and others jump up full of energy, the one thing all of us definitely do is dart to the bathroom full of fluids to do some serious damage control. Here’s what you do after sex besides sprint to the toilet and squeeze the cum out, based on your zodiac sign.
Aries
Your need for immediate gratification will have you finishing in no time! After sex, you like to be in your own drama-free space, but only after you hop off that dick and sprint to the bathroom to squeeze your dude’s fluids out of you before they hit his bedroom floor. It’s you against that leaking semen, Aries!
Taurus
You are patient in bed and also a tad lazy. But not when it comes to cleanup! You love to fall asleep after sex in your lover’s arms, but no matter how caring you are, having a dude’s stuff sloshing around inside you is uncomfortable at best! As much as you want to relax, you have no choice but to dash, squat and kegel until that stuff is done drippin’ outta you!
Gemini
The daring Gemini loves to have sex in public places! Take your man to a wooded area, a private rooftop or better yet, have sex in a public restroom so after he comes inside you, you can pop a squat over the toilet and make him watch his semen slowly pour out of you. Then, go grab a yummy dinner since you’ll be ravenous after squeeze your vaginal muscles to rid yourself of his lil’ guys for so long!
Cancer
Cancers love to cuddle after sex. If only you could seamlessly go from lovemaking to cuddling! Don’t worry, after spending seven minutes aggressively wiping your vagina until it is no longer drenched in your dude’s goo, you’ll be able to return to your lover and hold him! That being said, the mood is definitely ruined!
Leo
Your ego has you replaying sexy moments from the encounter after it’s over to remember how good you were. But before you can spend time reflecting, your ego’s gotta take a seat. On the floor of the bathtub, that is, because wiping is not going to cut it this time!
Virgo
Your post-coitus rituals include discussing the moments you enjoyed during sex. But before your debrief, you’ll need to scurry to the sink, hoist one leg up and splash that vag before your guy’s spunk drips all the way down your leg! This is when it pays to be a perfectionist, Virgo!
Libra
After sex, your flirtatious nature will have you fishing for compliments! But first bolt to the bathroom to expel that cum from you, otherwise you’ll probably drown in a puddle of jizz before your dude gets around to singing your praises.
Scorpio
The emotional Scorpio finds great pleasure in staring into her man’s eyes after sex. But that’s only after she moans, “Ohhhh goddddd it’s happening” and scampers to the bathroom to release this waterfall of splooge unto an unexpecting toilet basin!
Sagittarius
Aww, you want to go to the roof and look at the moon after your dude came inside you? Go ahead, but make sure to rid yourself of his ejaculate first, otherwise you’ll probably slip on the stairs and fall to a cummy death! Work to counteract your blind optimism, Sagittarius!
Capricorn
You are all business after sex, so you begin to put your clothes back on. But save your prudence until after you scuttle to the bathtub, squat into a little ball and exorcise that cum!
Aquarius
Sure, you want to talk about the queef. But there’s no time! Don’t worry, he’ll surely hear your solo-queef in the next room as you shout, “HOW DARE YOU COME SO MUCH” before passing out from the loss of fluids.
Pisces
Oh, you want to kiss a ton? Well jokes on you cause it is your duty as a woman to clean your vagina after he fills it up with his drippy load! What you want doesn’t really matter, now or ever!
Here is what you enjoy doing after sex, that is after you unload his load. Why not use a condom, you wonder? Well, then he has to deal with his cum, and that is absolutely unfair!!
