Don’t You Dare Lace Shift Dress (Free People, $128)
This lacy, navy dress has a flirty silhouette and a keyhole neckline that’ll look very odd on you. This delicate dress, which looked amazing on the rack, will be completely overshadowed by your bulging cleavage that will look like it’s trying to escape via the diamond opening. No matter how many times you run to the bathroom to pull your boobs down and out of there, they’ll creep back up. You get an A for effort, though!