We all have dreams for our hair, and a statement up-do is one of the best ways to say, “World, I’ve got this.” But be warned: Your thin hair, sometimes generously referred to as “fine,” will utterly fail as you try against all odds to arrange it into anything other than the flat mess it is destined to be. Gather your mousses, your tongs and your volumizing sprays and throw them all in the trash, because here are some sexy up-dos that will never, ever work with your hair!
The Waterfall Braid
Sounds romantic, but on you this style looks like three tangled tapeworms desperately clutching onto the side of your head. Oh, and the minute you start braiding your hair: hello, scalp – nice of you to make an appearance! Do not attempt this bohemian madness, you wispy-headed angel.
Sideswept Curls
Your thick-haired friends would love to see you try this – don’t give them the satisfaction of watching you weep over your rollers. And why would you want to take the small amount of limp hair that you have and gather it all on one side of your head, anyway? Is there a third ear you’re trying to hide?
The Chignon
Mais non, Madame! This style is not for you or your slender locks. Once you’ve scraped your hair back and twisted it nonchalantly, like a Parisienne taking her third lover for the day, you will be left with a sad little lump at the back that will refuse to be “teased“ into shape. Remember what your shampoo bottle says? “For fine, lifeless hair.” Think about that the next time you get any ideas.
The Beehive
And what, pray tell, are you planning to put in your beehive? Lost hopes and forgotten dreams? You barely have enough hair for an ant’s nest, let alone a beehive – a style that was invented by thick-haired women to make you feel bad. Put down your backcombing brush and go get some wind in your hair – It might temporarily give the impression of volume!
The Messy Bun
Are you a ballerina at the end of a pas de deux? Or a Victorian teacher who’s having a breakdown? Then why set your heart on an artfully messy bun, a look you can never achieve anyway with your delicate follicles? Leave your tresses to fall flat as they want to, and go and read a book – with your hair, you need to cultivate other qualities.
It’s great to experiment with new hairstyles, unless you have fine hair. Maybe you should just treat yourself to a big hat!
