Do you ever find yourself spontaneously hooking up with dudes on a weekday in your boring old office clothes? Ever get sent home from work for wearing a see-through top and fuck-me pumps? We’ve all been there, and it’s a pain! Reconfigure your work-fuck balance with a little planning. Here are five easy ways to go to work in an outfit that’s business appropriate by day and fuck-ready by night.
1. Crotchless jeans
Thinking jeans are way too casual for a work environment? Think again! Dark wash jeans are always classy and cool at the same time. For getting fucked later, cut a hole in the crotch of the pair you’re going to wear to work and don’t wear underwear. Easy access!
2. Bra shirt!
Skip the blazer/camisole combo and just wear your laciest bra under your closed blazer! The key is to make it really ambiguous in the office, and keep your button buttoned. When the HR director sheepishly points out that your “bra-like top” might not be appropriate for work, remind her of the time you saw her throw up into the mail chute at the office Christmas party. That’ll keep her quiet. She’s totally just jealous anyway because she doesn’t get fucked nearly as much as you do!
3. Wear a condom as a hair tie!
Everyone at work will just think your hair is in a messy ponytail, but then later when it’s Fuck Time, you can sexily let down your hair and produce a condom to your strange lover. It will probably be broken and useless by that point, but it’s not like you were going to use it, anyway!
4. Give yourself a pearl necklace!
Anal beads, pearls … what’s the difference?! Wear a throwback from junior high with anal beads around your neck at work. When coworkers ask where you got them, say, “online.” You’ll be the hero of the night later when you’re on the train to Fuck Town and oh damn, guess who came prepared? It was you. You’re ready to go to Fuck Town.
5. Take inspiration from The Matrix.
Three words: Pleather. Trench. Coat. Wear one of these to the office over your suit, then take off the coat and go about your day – you’re the boss. At the end of the day, put on the coat with and nothing else underneath – you’re a boss bitch! When you’re on the prowl for some stranger fuckin’ that night, just leave the trench coat open and see who “closes the deal” later!
And there you have it! With these five easy guidelines, you can go from a professional business person to a woman who yells “WHO IN THIS BAR WANTS TO FUCKING FUCK ME RIGHT NOW?!” with ease!