In a startling report out of your parents’ living room, your friend who’s having a conversation with them is speaking the same way they talk to their friends.
Oh god, this won’t end well.
“It’s their first time meeting my parents, so I wanted to give them a little leeway,” you told reporters. “But I gave them a heads up before we got here that my parents aren’t the stereotypical ‘cool’ parents, and to just play it safe. They apparently chose to ignore that advice completely.”
“I only caught a snippet of conversation, but what I heard was chilling,” you continued. “My friend playfully told my mom to ‘shut the fuck up’ and then launched into a full-blown monologue about Boygenius’s new album, which is absolutely not something my mom would be able to grasp, even just on a fundamental level.”
Okay, scary!
Sources at the scene reported to have spotted you ducking into the bathroom after seeing your friend speaking with your parents, and staying in there for a good half hour. When you emerged, you were seen making a beeline to your friend and asking if you could steal them for a second, to which they responded, “Can it wait? I’m in the middle of hockey talk with Deb and Ray.”
You told reporters you had no idea what “hockey talk” was but you “didn’t like the sound of it.”
“Are they talking about hockey or talking in a hockey-style manner?” you asked. “Either way, I know for a fact that neither my parents nor my friend know anything about hockey, so I don’t like the implications of that conversation, like, at all.”
It seems that conversation has gone off the rails in a very bad way.
“This isn’t going to be pleasant for anyone involved, and could likely end in several frustrated and confused outbursts on the part of my parents,” you said. “At the very least, I’m going to be hearing about my ‘interesting’ friend later.”
At press time, you noticed your friend texting on their phone and asked who they were messaging, to which they said, “Oh, it took some wearing down, but I finally got Ray to give me his number. I’m just sending him a few memes I know he’ll appreciate.” You told reporters you know for a fact your dad doesn’t know what a meme is, and that he definitely wouldn’t “appreciate” the Bee Movie-themed one your friend is on the cusp of sending him.
