In a move that put everybody in the group chat on high alert, Caroline Stewart, the absolute loudest friend of her social circle, has just suggested doing karaoke.
The ten minutes that passed between Stewart’s initial pitch and the sole response of one recipient’s “Yeah maybe!!” clearly indicated the presence of sidebar conversations in the wake of Stewart’s frightening proposition.
“I guess karaoke might be fun in theory,” said one friend, Eva White. “It’s just that Caroline is so, so loud as is. Sort of just a screamy person generally, so the thought of handing her a microphone is kind of more than I can bear.”
Others agreed that the traditional components of a karaoke night could make for a fatal combination where Stewart is involved.
“If you give Caroline alcohol, she is yelling,” said Maddie Horwitz. “When Caroline sings, she is yelling. So get Caroline drunk and let her sing into a mic with the lyrics in front of her and an audience? No, I absolutely am not up for it.”
Stewart, however, appears to be utterly unaware of her friends’ true feelings about the possibility of a karaoke night.
“Ugh, it would be so fun,” said Stewart. “I want to do all my classics: ‘Dancing Queen’, ‘Death of a Bachelor’, definitely some Whitney. Anything I can belt. I’ve been told I really have pipes.”
While Stewart’s friends may be accustomed to her higher-than-usual baseline volume, they are hesitant to subject innocent strangers to it.
“Maybe this makes me a weak person,” said Horwitz. “But I don’t even necessarily mind listening to Caroline scream-sing ‘I Will Always Love You’, I just don’t want to be associated with her while she does it.”
“When I first saw her suggestion,” Horwitz continued, “I immediately texted Maddie and was like, ‘Stop this.’ But of course no one wants to be the bad guy.”
At the time of press, it is expected that Stewart and her friends will probably end up doing karaoke after all because she will insist and wear them down.
“Maybe this is crazy,” said Stewart. “But I kind of want to do the National Anthem. I mean, it’s in my range.”