It was recently reported from a source inside a downtown Washington D.C. office, that one coworker, Jeremy Fields, is just a little too ripped.
“For as long as I’ve worked here, Jeremy has been slightly too ripped,” said the source, Ella Dowd. “It’s always worried me, but recently I noticed his arms just bulging against the seams of his button-down and I really got scared. It’s too much, and for what? We work in an office.”
Dowd isn’t the only one who has taken notice of Field’s conspicuously muscular body.
“I have no idea what Jeremy’s body is for or how it got to be that way, but I’m certainly aware of it,” said Josh Stewart. “He has to be working out literally every hour that he isn’t here at the office. What a big and inexplicable choice.”
The combination of Field’s reserved social nature and hugely jacked body has culminated in much speculation amongst his curious coworkers.
“Is it CrossFit?” asked Dowd. “Is that a CrossFit body? I’ll have to google CrossFit body and see if it aligns. This is really going to drive me crazy not knowing.”
“Maybe he was in the army,” guessed Stewart. “I mean probably not because he’s an IT guy, but maybe he was an IT guy in the army and then he just got ripped because all his army friends were getting ripped in training and stuff. I think that might be it.”
Regardless of the cause, everyone can agree that Field’s level of rippedness falls into the too much category.
“I’ve never even seen him do anything physical,” said Dowd. “He just walks around like this machine that could destroy us all if he wanted, yet his strength exists solely as a mechanism to reproduce itself. That’s too much power for one IT guy.”
“If I found out he was preparing for the apocalypse or the amazing race or something, I would feel better,” added Dowd. “But just being jacked to shit for the very sake of it? Scary.”
When asked why he is too ripped, Fields shrugged. Wow.
“Here’s a guy who’s approaching Jason Momoa,” said Stewart. “And he’s just sitting there at his computer drinking a damn glass of water. I’m freaked.”
