‘Oh, You Would Actually Love This,’ Says Man Who is Mistaken

At a housewarming party last Friday, Brooklyn resident Martin Howard surprised an acquaintance with his mistaken belief that he knows what sort of thing she might enjoy.


“We were chatting uncomfortably for a few moments when it happened,” Evelyn Murphy remembered. “He pulled out his phone, glanced at something, then said ‘Oh, you would actually love this.’”


Needless to say, Murphy was taken aback by his bold and baseless claim.


“You see, Martin does not know me basically at all, so how did he get it in his head that he knew what I would love, and also what sort of thing would it be?” Murphy said. “I was dreading it but also had to know.”


At this point in time, Murphy recalls she was already fairly sure she would not love what Howard was about to show her. However, giving him the benefit of the doubt, she reserved hope for being surprised.


“As soon as I was chatting with Evelyn,” said Howard, “I knew I had to show her the little felt finger puppets of important women in history that I saw at a gift store the other day. I just thought, God, she would actually love this.”


Unfortunately, Howard was incorrect.



“I did not love it,” said Murphy. “Like, obviously I care about feminist historical figures but these were just of no specific interest to me and honestly seem sort of cutesy and pointless. Why did he think I would like this? Did I say something about liking puppets before and forget? There must be a reason for this.”


“I just get people,” said Howard. “I can read ’em like a book. It’s hard to break down the thought process because it’s so instinctual, but I guess I looked at Evelyn and was like, she’s a woman, and these women are women, too. She’s just gonna absolutely love this.”


Murphy reports that in her confusion she simply laughed and nodded as Howard flipped through iPhone photos he took of the finger puppets.


“It was a nice moment,” said Howard, wrongly. “I honestly think I made her day.”