When you started dating your girlfriend, Annabella Sawyer, you thought you would always love each other no matter what. However, when she asked you whether or not you would still love her if she was an entirely different person who also happened to be evil, she was shocked to hear the words, “Uh, no, probably not.”
“It was one thing when she said she wouldn’t love me if I were a worm because she’s ‘attracted to humans’ and ‘that’s an impossible scenario that would literally never happen,’” Annabella told reporters. “But for her to say she wouldn’t love me if I were a 67-year-old lifelong Republican living in Boise, ID who thought environmentalism was for ‘hippies’? That was a gut punch.”
You, however, say that you’re not sure where this was coming from and that you don’t entirely understand the premise.
“I was just sitting there when she came up to me and was like, ‘Would you still love me if I had red hair and had also committed a bunch of violent crimes?’” you said. “When I said no, she seemed really upset, which made it feel like this was less of a playful question and more of a relationship test.”
You continued, “I guess I just don’t get it, because I tell her all the time that her kindness is something I really love about her, so why would I love somebody who isn’t her and who is also needlessly cruel?”
Annabella told reporters that she wasn’t sure where exactly you were getting confused.
“I thought I laid it out pretty clearly,” she said. “I described someone who was the complete opposite of me and explained that it would still be me but that I would look different and act different and be an inherently different individual at my core. I don’t get what is so hard to understand about that. It’s just like they say, ‘If you don’t love me at my exploitative boomer AirBnB owner, then you don’t deserve me at my best,’ or however it goes.”
At press time, Annabella said she was still hurt by your response, and that none of your explanations were making it any better.
“She said I should be glad that she wouldn’t love me if I were a totally different person who was also terrible, because that would mean she would just love anyone,” she explained. “But I thought love was unconditional? Apparently she has conditions and those conditions are ‘being myself’ and ‘continuing to not be terrible.’ I’m really starting to question our relationship at this point.”