Weaponized Incompetence? This Roommate Won’t Deep Clean Because One Time He Made Mustard Gas

In an extremely annoying story out Brooklyn, NY, notable idiot Kevin McDonaugh refuses to help deep clean the apartment because one time he combined bleach and an ammonia-based product and accidentally created the lethal weapon, mustard gas.


Grow up, Kevin! This kind of weaponized incompetence won’t be tolerated any longer!


“It’s so annoying that he refuses to help us clean,” said one of Kevin’s two roommates, Leanne White. “Just because one time he made a chemical weapon that is technically also a war crime, now he doesn’t have to wipe down the toilet? Give me a fucking break.”


Sources confirm that Kevin has no idea how to clean and was never expected to help out around the house as a child, which has led to this lethal combination of stupidity and ineptitude.


“How was I supposed to know that the ammonia in Windex, when combined with bleach, creates a World War I-era, Geneva-convention-violating Organosulfur compound?” Kevin said stupidly.


We don’t know, Kevin. Why the fuck were you combining bleach and Windex in the toilet in the first place? What was that supposed to do, huh?


Sources report that when the event happened, the roommates had to evacuate the building, leaving the toilet still disgusting to this day.


“I don’t care that you don’t know how to clean. Learn!” Leanne continued. “Make mistakes and move on! Wear a gas mask next time! It’s not that fucking hard!”


Experts confirm that making one tiny alkylating agent that is known to interfere with biological processes and cause painful blistering on exposed skin and in the lungs is no excuse to sit on your ass while your roommates scrub down the oven.


Renowned University of Michigan Professor Katlyn Clark notes that this type of weaponized incompetence is common among men: “What we’re seeing here is a classic example of a man using a lack of knowledge to justify an unwillingness to contribute around the house. Yes, this combination of cleaning products can lead to programmed cell death and will likely cause cancer. No, that doesn’t mean you can get out of chores!”



“It just sucks to feel like I’m cleaning up after him all the time,” said Kevin’s other roommate, Hannah Lilkes. “Like, it’s me and Leanne and Poison Control, following him with a goddamn broom.”


At press time, Kevin finally decided to step up and help clean. He wiped down the counter with bleach, then followed it immediately with vinegar, creating chlorine gas like a fucking idiot.