A recent study from the University of Pennsylvania has found that Zoom fatigue, or burnout from overuse of virtual communication platforms, disproportionately impacts the key demographic of hot bisexuals.
“I was not caught off guard by these findings,” says Dr. Sam Caprinelli, a lead researcher on the study. “This is just another thing in life that is harder on hot bisexuals, and I should know, as I am one.”
While some have accused the research of being biased, Dr. Caprinelli maintains that those closest to the issue are closest to the solution. But the study has proven controversial beyond this claim.
“This just really doesn’t feel intuitive or grounded in fact,” says psychologist and presumed straight person Dr. Tracy Pelton. “Why would one’s sexuality impact how they were affected by Zoom fatigue? Gender maybe I could see, but this makes no sense. Also, why would it be harder for hot people? And isn’t that subjective?”
“Ultimately, this just feels like bisexuals trying to create a culture,” Dr. Pelton adds. “And there’s nothing inherently wrong with that, but to claim a scientific basis for this, and also to base it in a weird sort of relative victimhood all just seems very misguided.”
But the researchers stand behind their conclusions.
“All these claims are so offensive,” says. Dr. Caprinelli. “First of all, Zoom fatigue is worse for hot bisexuals because they/we face a greater expectation to have their/our cameras on and to really carry the energy of the whole meeting by being generally hot and bisexual.”
“And yes, hotness is subjective,” Dr. Caprinelli adds. “But you know it when you feel it, and the hot bisexuals experiencing unprecedented rates of Zoom fatigue are certainly feeling it.”
The study also found that hot bisexuals who were parents, had insecure access to Internet and/or private space, and hot bisexuals who live in time zones different from their virtual office’s experienced a compounding effect of worsening Zoom fatigue.
“There’s a lot of pressure for hot bisexuals to just endure anything and be the backbone of this nation,” says Dr. Caprinelli, quoting verbatim from the study’s conclusion. “However, it’s time we challenged that norm and carved out some space for hot bisexuals to take breaks from Zoom and go on cute walks.”