Attention mummies-to-be: just ‘cause you’re pregnant doesn’t mean you can’t party on Halloween! Here are some of my Halloween costume ideas to hide that bump, so you can get as fucked up as you want without anyone asking you annoying questions about whether it’s “safe” for you to drink.
Ghost
You can hide whatever the fuck you want under that sheet, including a bottle of wine. WooOOooo, I’m in the afterlife and don’t have to carry around a small person anymore!
Grapes
When grapes are allowed to ferment, they turn into the most wonderful thing that you haven’t been able to drink for 9 months. I want to pop open and spill forth my gift. Put me out of my misery please!
Tarantula
Did you know spiders give birth via eggs outside their bodies?! Why not HUMANS?!?! Everything on my body hurts!!! My life is a spooky scary story!
Cow
This is less a costume then it is an accurate picture of what your nipples will look like post-breast feeding. Drink all the shots.
Sumo
Sake to me! Will someone roll around with me? I haven’t had sex in five months.
Greek Goddess
I guess I’m Dionysus? My stupid, fat husband keeps trying to tell me pregnancy has made me “classically beautiful” and I want to punch him in his stupid, fat face. Pass the ouzo plzzz!
Your Stupid, Fat Husband
Fuck you, Mike! I’m going as you so I can get all the credit for this baby without having to do any of the heavy lifting or change a damn thing about my diet! Look who’s drinking a whole six-pack now!
