5 Halloween Costumes That Will Hurt Rebecca’s Feelings

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Have you been waiting for the perfect chance to show Rebecca you didn’t forget what she said about your haircut at the Labor Day barbecue? Well, Halloween is around the corner and rife with opportunities to destroy her. With these cute and affordable costume options, you are guaranteed to ruin Rebecca’s Halloween the way she ruins everything:


1. A Clown

Rebecca is terrified of clowns (How cliché is that? Even her weaknesses are lame)! She told you this the first night you really bonded, and your disregard for her stupid fear will crush her fragile sense of self in a way that’s sure to last all Halloween night.


2. Any Three-Person Costume with Your Mutual Close Friends

Exclusion: It’s hurtful, and scary! If Rebecca asks about it, you can say, “We thought about asking you to be LaTavia or something, but decided that the three-person version of Destiny’s Child would be a stronger choice. You look super cute as a haunted princess or whatever!” It’ll chill her bones—and her feelings!


3. Edward Scissorhands

Edward Scissorhands is not only Rebecca’s ex-boyfriend’s number-one FAVORITE movie, but she also has a huge complex about being a “less-cute Winona Ryder.” Just like Edward, you can hurt Rebecca with your seemingly well-intentioned hand blades! This two-fold zinger is a guaranteed home run.



4. Rebecca’s Mom, but you just dress like Rebecca

Everyone loves ironic costumes, especially when they’re directed at you! Kick back this Halloween with your best pair of “giving up” jeans and a sad vest and “MS. SPURLOCK” written on your shirt. She’ll ask, “Are you dressed as me?” And you’ll sputter, “No no no, I’m supposed to be your sad mom! I guess you guys actually do dress kind of the same though. Weird!” Her self-image will be haunted for years to come!


5. The Ghost of Rebecca’s Deceased Mentor

Festive and devastating, this costume will probably ruin your friendship, but more importantly, it will definitely destroy Rebecca’s sense of security in trying to pursue her career without the stolid advice of her affectionate advisor. What better way to celebrate Halloween than to haunt someone’s dreams forever?


Whatever costume you go with, remember the sweet taste of revenge will soon be at hand, and that your hair looked amazing on Labor Day no matter what Rebecca said. By the end of the night, you’ll be double-fisting pumpkin beer and a red Solo cup full of victory.