This Boyfriend’s Vocabulary Includes 47 Words to Describe IPAs But None to Describe Your Doctoral Thesis

Earning your PhD has been a years-long commitment demanding discipline, patience, and clear communication. And while your boyfriend has a vocabulary including 47 different words to describe IPAs, he could not explain the gist of your thesis on post-structuralist literary theory.


“Astounding,” you thought to yourself. “Just like how Eskimos have a thousand different words for snow, he clearly described an IPA he was drinking using 5000 complex words, proving he does have the capacity for an expansive vocabulary after all.”


“Wow,” said Dylan after you described chapter six of your dissertation to him, slowly sipping of beer while looking vaguely at a spot on the wall behind you. “That sounds like…a lot.”



After several seconds of silence, he then offered you a taste of his IPA, saying, “Seriously babe, try a sip of this Alchemist. It’s such a complex and aromatic mixture of flavors. The hops really provide a unique aroma without any bitterness. I’d probably describe it as an intricate web of genius.”


Wow ­– what a unique inspiration to boyfriends everywhere!


Five years ago, you never even believed you’d be able to balance your academic ambitions with a boyfriend. However, Dylan has been nothing but supportive, always giving you space when you needed it to develop a deeper, even richer understanding of IPAs rather than your thesis


Right as you nearly launched into an explanation of post-colonial English literature, Dylan took another small taste of his “Focal Banger” India Pale Ale, swishing it around a few times before swallowing.


“Supple and surprising, with a subdued finish,” he noted thoughtfully.


Other patrons of the bar reported that from the first sip to the last, Dylan used upwards of 40 unique adjectives to describe his pint, among them “robust,” “charismatic,” “judicious,” “full-bodied,” “multi-dimensional,” “resinous,” and “inventive.”


Woah! Slow down there, Dylan!


When you asked if he felt your thesis still needed a more substantial critique of Euro-centric 20th-century hegemonic literature, Dylan shrugged ­– a truly remarkable reaction from the same man who, just moments earlier, had referred in awed tones to his IPA as both “heady” and “cerebral.”


“That’s why I only drink IPAs,” Dylan said when pressed for a final comment. “They’re such a mental exercise. They really make you think.”