Definitively proving that the pharmaceutical industry is doling out defective products, 23-year-old Yara Hart took an Adderall half an hour ago and is now positive it “isn’t doing shit,” or at least that’s what she wrote on the billboard that she just free solo-ed.
“It’s just frustrating when I take medication for my ADHD and it does nothing,” Yara told reporters from atop the billboard, where she had also spontaneously decided to do a set of pushups. “I mean, why would my doctor prescribe Adderall to me if it has zero efficacy? I’m starting to think I was given a placebo.”
Sources confirm she was definitely not given a placebo, firstly because that’s not something pharmacies typically do, and secondly because she is 150 meters off the ground and just scaled the entire billboard in under 10 minutes.
As far as how she got to the top, Yara explains it is quite simple.
“I learned about free climbing after taking an Adderall and watching the documentary Free Solo about Alex Honnold on 4x speed,” she continued. “Naturally, I got super into this concept instead of doing my ‘work’ and went on a Wikipedia deep dive to learn about the complexities of the form. This is completely irrelevant to the fact that my Adderall isn’t working, though.”
Yara decided to use several cans of spray paint to write the phrase “it’s not doing shit” on the billboard because she had also recently learned about “tagging.”
“Oh, yeah, I did a separate deep dive into that concept as well,” she continued, while putting highlighting touches on the artwork. “I had a lot of time on my hands once I realized the Adderall was never going to kick in, you know?”
Yara’s doctor was also surprised to learn news of Yara’s conquest, especially considering her low dosage…
“I only gave her a 5mg prescription,” he told the reporters that visited his practice. “It’s barely supposed to do anything at all. Did you say she climbed a billboard? The FDA is going to want to hear about this.”
As of press time, Yara had come to terms with the fact that Adderall was probably never going to work on her, so she decided to move things in the other direction by taking a small edible. About 30 minutes in, she once again said, “This isn’t doing shit,” but this time while immobile on the floor, staring up at the ceiling.
