Third Divorce? It’s Time for Bangs.

So you’re on your third divorce. Was it finally your fault this time around, or was it your hairstyle? Get ready to meet a man who won’t leave you for his dog walker with a phenomenally feathered face frame. Out-bang that next bitch with your own unique bang style! Here’s why lucky-number-four will looking out for bangs:


Too much forehead can intimidate a man. Where does he look? There is so much face. You can cover that waste of space with side-swept bangs, straight bangs or even uneven, skewed-from-just-waking-up bangs. As long as that skin patch above the eye is veiled with strips of hair, your sense of mystery will attract hordes of potential Hubby Numero Cuatros. He’ll be assured that he can look into your eyes and tell you how beautiful they are because he actually knows where to find them. Without bangs pointing down to the rest of your important facial features, you might as well be a Christmas ornament because a man just won’t know what to do with you.


Bangs say, “I’m worth the risk.” Things may not have worked out the first three times around, so how can you prove to the next guy that you’re worth taking a chance on? Bangs. Bangs show that you’ve still got that sexy, youthful energy that may or may not have caused your first three marriages to end – but you’re worth it! Nobody wants a boring, bang-free wife – as evidenced by your last husband’s choices.



Bangs can be made from human hair or animal hair. Ever wonder where that dog walker got her bangs? Maybe she got them from his pooch, so when he saw her bangs, he actually saw the love of his shih tzu, Lo Mein, and that’s all he needed. Forget him, he loves his dog and his fur-bang woman more than you. Non of that matters because now, you’re getting bangs!


There is no surer sign that you’re back on the scene and ready for love like a small chunk of hair covering your aging face. So get out there and get that brand-new man!