If you’ve been losing valuable minutes of your life listening to Jennifer’s retelling of the same old recurring dream about her grandmother’s wheelbarrow chasing her down a path lined with broken swords, you’re in luck. You can actually cross countless tasks off your to-do list while she shares her repeated REM projections. Here’s what you can do to multitask when Jennifer traps you in her web again:
Trim Your Split Ends
The only thing more annoying than hearing about the rusty red wheelbarrow with fangs is the fact that you haven’t cut your hair since last November. While Jennifer speculates about what the broken swords say about her future in advertising, stealthily grab some scissors and go to town on your jagged locks. If it’s anything like last time, she’ll probably just think the swords were really scissors and her dream is happening in real life now.
Text Your Mom
Your mom misses you, and listening to Jennifer’s dream about her own mother trapped inside the jaws of a dinosaur might remind you that you miss her, too. Keep nodding in Jennifer’s general direction while you text your mom cute things like, “Wow!” or, “Oh my gosh!” and “S.O.S I’M BEING HELD AGAINST MY WILL BY JENNIFER’S NIGHTMARES.”
Finally Deal with Your Internet Provider
Time Warner Cable can’t seem to figure out that you moved three years ago, and you’ve been putting off a customer service phone call. But if you’re sick of paying four times the amount you should be for low-speed access to Netflix, you can use the hour Jennifer spends describing her running dreams to fix your own nightmare: Bills! Use the online chat feature and have Rick from online support give you satisfaction Jennifer will never receive––someone who is a good listener.
Apply to Law School
While Jennifer agonizes over whether she could “Inception” herself into fighting her fears by becoming a ride-on lawn mower in a top hat next time she goes to sleep, you can finally get started on those mock LSAT exams your dad keeps reminding you to take. Or if that’s too obvious, pour Jennifer a glass of chardonnay, open your laptop, and spend the next four hours researching the nation’s top law schools.
Go On a Date
You might as well try to meet a nice guy while Jennifer explains that she always wakes up right after she trips, which is super weird and what do you think it means? While Jennifer sits across from you in a coffee shop, turn to the guy next to you and ask if you can buy him a cup of coffee, ask him about his interests, and tell him a bit about yourself while you really lose yourself in his eyes. Jennifer really doesn’t notice these kinds of things!
Your time is precious and you can’t waste your life analyzing whether a wheelbarrow is only passive aggressive because it’s a Capricorn for one more minute. By checking off one task at a time, you’ll be closer to accomplishing your own goals while Jennifer gets closer to dealing with whether or not she can get tetanus from a dream. Good luck!
