The Daily Show Host Should Be a Woman Who Isn’t Soaking My Panties

Call me a feminist killjoy, but I think I speak for all female fans of The Daily Show in that we were hoping for a female host to take the show in a new direction, a direction that wouldn’t leave us creaming our shorts four nights a week. Trevor Noah, Jon Stewart’s recently announced successor and human male, is not the right person for the job.


I was hoping for a Samantha Bee or Jessica Williams to deliver my nightly news with a humorous take. You know, someone funny, smart, and not capable of making my tongue hang out of my head and my eyes glaze over while I try to make out the silhouette of his hot bod underneath that fitted suit. My God, that face! Adorable and masculine! That smooth, silky voice and hypnotizing South African accent. And he’s funny! This is NOT the strong female presence I was hoping for.



Doesn’t late-night television deserve a female host at this point? In 2015, shouldn’t we see a woman behind a desk for once? Maybe it’s just me but I guess I saw myself watching a host who reflected a little more of my values, instead of all the physical and personality traits I value in a mate.


I’m sorry if my jaw dropped when I heard Comedy Central’s announcement, and then it dropped again when I saw the image of Trevor Noah on my screen, along with the clip of his appearance on the show that I will be replaying on a loop in bed with my Hitachi Magic Wand when I get home tonight.


Women deserve a seat at the late night desk. The seat. And how did someone this attractive even get into comedy, anyway? What is he compensating for? Because I can’t find a single flaw in his dreamy demeanor.


It is a disappointment and an outrage that women were denied yet another coveted position in the world of comedy. Seriously, I am out of breath, panting. Noah? Why are you doing this to us?! Even his name sounds handsome. I am so dumbfounded by this decision that I am drooling on my keyboard. Jon Stewart, couldn’t you think of any women who were qualified for the position? Women who aren’t a man who speaks six intoxicating languages as he jet sets across the world, while his shining face graces international stages, and he supports worthwhile charities and causes. I’m so filled with rage that my pants have melted off!


Comedy Central, it’s about time you took a look in the mirror. Is this the future we want for ourselves? Another male late-night talk show host and our weeknights filled with laughter and lust? A hamper filled with the wettest of underwear? And me drifting off to sleep with a shameful smile on my face?


I guess I just think a woman deserved the position and also I’m not sure I have enough pairs of underwear.