Summer is finally here! There’s just one problem: high summer temperatures leave your bush-meat damper than John Goodman’s jowls at a New Orleans fish fry. No fear, girls! Here are the hottest summer shorts to sop up that vaginal sweat, so it won’t ruin your summer style.
J. Crew Cotton Pique Shorts – $69
Like a monarch butterfly to predators, this crafty short uses decorative markings to draw the eye away from any unsightly vaginal sweat patches that might signal your unsuitability for mating. Made of absorbent, breathable cotton. Machine washable.
Anne Taylor LOFT Petite Denim Shorts – $39
Dark denim has always been the fabric of choice for ladies whose nether regions drip more than an open fire hydrant. This classic cut will pair nicely with the flowery summer blouse you wear to hide your bacne.
Nasty Gal Reverse Lemonade Romper – $62
Calm down, women! I know what you’re thinking: this list is devoted to SHORTS not ROMPERS, but hear me out! The extra fabric on this outfit serves to sop up and wick away even more sweat! If the material around your crotch is soaked, the sweat can seep its way up to the lovely bell sleeves.
American Apparel Loop Terry Running Short – $20
From the first name in vaginal sweat comes the short that started it all: Understated and classic, with the look, feel and smell of an old washcloth. This short is ready for any of your favorite summer activities, whether bike riding, jogging, or sitting on a hot park bench.
Bitching & Junkfood Doze Cutout Short (avail. at Urban Outfitters) – $125
Stop vaginal sweat before it starts with these barely-there shorts: The price may seem a bit steep, but can you really put a price on walking confidently into a room, assured there’s no wet patch crawling out from between your legs? They’ve already paid for themselves!
Give those summer skirts and dresses a run for their money with these super-absorbent short shorts. Sit down confidently at any sweltering subway seat knowing the only mark you’ll be leaving is one of fabulous style!