A recent study from the University of California, Santa Barbara indicates that that thing you said last night was actually…pretty weird, they think.
“At the outset, I was unsure of what to expect,” said Dr. Gladys Brown. “I came in with the knowledge that you had some suspicions about it being potentially weird, but people often feel this way, and it’s not a reliable indicator.”
“However,” Dr. Brown continued. “Once we got our hands on the raw materials of the study, it became abundantly clear that the comment made at the party was sort of like…huh? You know what I mean?”
When you said the thing you said, the study confirms, everyone was like “What?” and went home and thought about it some more later that night.
“Even though my whole team felt sure of what the results would be as soon as we read the words you uttered,” said Dr. Brown. “We still went forward with our research both because the funding was already allocated, and because I thought seeing other people’s reactions to what you said might be funny in a horrible, cringey sort of way. I’m a big British Office fan.”
The data was collected swiftly since it uniformly supported the conclusion that what you said —and even how your voice sounded when you said it— was pretty weird, actually.
In a series of tests, interviews, and simulated recreations of the conversation you had with that acquaintance who doesn’t really know you, what you said was unnecessary and awkward and possibly even came off as kind of a lot? You know, like a lot.
“What compelled you to say that, I wonder?” continued Dr. Brown. “Maybe that’s what the study could have addressed. Oh well, next time.”
You were not reached out to for comment because we don’t want a repeat of last night.
