Study: 100% of Rachel’s Mom Expects Grandchildren

The results of a recent poll reveal that a shocking 100% of Rachel’s Mom wants Rachel to procreate and give Rachel’s Mom some grandchildren, “while I’m still young enough to enjoy them.”


According to the data, 45% of Rachel’s Mom would love a granddaughter; 45% would love a grandson; and 10% thinks, “It doesn’t really matter, as long as it happens before she turns 30.”


When reached for comment, Rachel indicated that she had no reason to expect such unanimous poll results; however, in a follow-up survey of Rachel’s Mom, researchers found that “[Rachel] should know that from the minute her child is born, every mother hopes and prays for that wonderful day when she’ll become a mother, too.”



The follow-up survey also revealed that 7% of Rachel’s Mom doesn’t necessarily think Rachel needs to wait until she’s married to have children, but 93% of her really thinks she should. 99% of Rachel’s Mom is confident that, “There’s someone out there for everyone, even [Rachel],” and 100% of Rachel’s Mom is prepared to pay for 50% of Rachel’s future wedding.


“I figured she wanted grandkids, but I didn’t realize how strongly,” said Rachel. “It probably just means I’m not going to call her as often so I don’t have to hear about it.”


Due to a lack of phone correspondence, numbers have recently shifted, with 6% of Rachel’s Mom conceding that Rachel’s Mom “would respect whatever Rachel decides when it comes to getting married and having children.” But 2% of that group is still confident that “Rachel has no idea what she really wants. She’ll change her mind when she turns 30.”