Ballpark Proposal Wasted On Cubs Game

Chicago resident Jamie Hendrix says she was disappointed Wednesday when she received a marriage proposal from her boyfriend, Darren, as it was wasted during the 7th inning stretch at a Chicago Cubs baseball game.


Hendrix, a 29-year-old software engineer, says she was expecting a proposal from Darren, but did not expect him to waste it on a Cubs game.


“The poor girl,” remarked Dana Shapiro, who sat behind the couple on the night of the proposal. “I can’t imagine having the biggest moment of my life come while Jon Lester is on the mound. I think I speak for women everywhere when I say I’d rather give birth at a White Sox game than get engaged at a Cubs game.”


The proposal was heavily planned out by Darren, who paid to get “Jamie, will you marry me?” displayed on the big screen between the 7th and 8th innings last Wednesday afternoon during a day game between the Cubs and St. Louis Cardinals, which the Cubs somehow won. “It cost $1,500,” said Darren. “She said no, and I deserved it.”


“Take me out to a fancy restaurant. Surprise me in Times Square. Hell, even a Cleveland Indians game would have been better. You don’t go to a Cubs game to get married,” said Hendrix. “You go to a Cubs game to break up so you have plenty of bigger losers around you when it happens.”


While the Cubs have only appeared in the playoffs twice in the last 10 years, and haven’t been to a World Series since 1945.



“Darren is so sweet,” said Hendrix. “He listens to me, he understands me, and supports me. But if he’s dumb enough to think I want to waste the most romantic moment of my life on a Cubs game, he might as well join their coaching staff, cause he’s completely clueless.”


“I thought the history and pageantry of Wrigley Field would overcome the tortured legacy of the Cubs, but I was wrong,” said Darren. “I’ll try again, though. Just like the Cubs, I’ll suit up year after year with hopes that I’ll achieve my dream. Hopefully it doesn’t take a century for her to say yes.”


Most in attendance says the botched proposal was not a surprise, with one man saying, “It was hardly the most pathetic thing I’ve seen at Wrigley Field.”