Alicia Edelson and her friends were inspired by their favorite YA novel about a group of girls who share a pair of jeans with each other that magically fit them all. Unfortunately, after a night of heavy drinking, Alicia accidentally took a shit in her own sisterhood’s traveling pants.
“I don’t know what happened,” said Alicia. “One minute I was putting on the pants thinking about all the good times my best girlfriends and I used to have in college, and the next I was shitting all over the most tangible symbol of our friendship. Why does stuff like this always happen to me?!”
Alicia expects her friends to be pretty mad, particularly because she was already very drunk at Sarah’s wedding in August. “Apparently, I said the bridesmaids dresses were so ugly that I wanted to take a shit in them, so this is definitely going to seem premeditated.”
She is reportedly starting to regret instating rule #4, which stated: “The wearer of the jeans must pass them on to the next friend within two weeks,” as she needs to overnight the pants to Bailey within the next two hours and needs to get them professionally cleaned.
“My plan for now is just a ton of Tide to Go. Will that work?”
Alicia is concerned that Bailey, the next girl in line to receive the pants, is known for her terrific sense of smell. “One time I Febrezed my couch, but she could still smell her boyfriend’s cologne on it. Then again, the shit stains are also perfectly visible on the jeans.”.
As for writing her favorite experience of wearing the pants, Alicia just plans to write an incredibly long poem that she’ll say she found while she was in the library studying all Friday night.
