48% of Voters Still Can’t Forgive Hillary for What Bill Did

Former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton officially announced her presidential campaign yesterday to a chorus of “ehs.” When polled, nearly half of all registered voters just couldn’t forgive Hillary for what her husband did nearly 20 years ago.


“What other people do in their marriages is none of my business, but the way she acted when Bill cheated just wasn’t right for a public figure,” says Kathy Putnam, who thinks Bill Clinton seems like “a nice guy” in spite of his actions. “Maybe it’s just me, but I don’t think an uptight wife who drove her husband to cheat and then took him back too easily should be the leader of the free world.”


“People make mistakes. He’s shown remorse about the Lewinsky thing,” says another voter. “I’m not sure Hillary has.”


“I have a hard time getting past her history,” says Roger Lieberman, who regularly nods in agreement with the political commentary of Eliot Spitzer. “Call me old-fashioned, but the embarrassment she brought upon this country was not very presidential.”


In a poll between Hillary Clinton and John Edwards, who is not running and has not been involved in politics since the 2008 reveal of his extramarital affair and illegitimate child, 86 percent of Democratic voters said they would still vote for Edwards.



“He just has the look of a president,” says one poll participant. “Whereas Hillary seems mean, like she would make Bill leave your Super Bowl party early or something.”


Hillary does lead the polls among a small group of voters — the demographic of women voters who’ve been cheated on by high-profile politicians.


“I vote Hillary. All the men can go to Hell,” says Maria Shriver.


In spite of her handicap, Hillary may go on to receive the democratic nomination, as Joe Biden’s camp reports, “He never remembers to face the camera and keeps signing the paperwork wrong.”