How to Keep So Hydrated That You Anger Poseidon

We all know staying hydrated is just about the best thing a person can do for their health, but this knowledge is often insufficient to motivate that extra H2O consumption. If you’re a bit of an adrenaline junky who could stand to improve your kidney function, then use these three tips so keep so hydrated that you anger the notoriously mercurial sea god, Poseidon.


Get a reusable water bottle you like.

It’s doesn’t matter if it’s a Hydro Flask or a Nalgene or an old jar; what matters is that you always have water on your person. The human body is already 60% water, but with enough persistence you can bump that up to 65, maybe 70%. The wrathful Poseidon, son of Cronus and Rhea, will surely feel as though you’re coming for his thing, and act up by creating large-scale storms that permanently damage seafront properties. You did that!


Do the pee check.

If you want to piss Poseidon all the fucking way off, you should be peeing absolutely clear. After you take a trip to the wash closet, simply check the color of your urine before flushing. If there’s a tinge of yellow in there, you’re not drinking enough. Once you’re running as clear and bright as a spring rain, people are going to think you just blinded a Cyclops, because Poseidon is absolutely coming for your ass.



Wear a CamelBak into the ocean.

If you’re really serious about staying hydrated and angering Poseidon, god of sea, wind, and horses randomly, then you should invest in a CamelBak, then wear that shit into the ocean. The military-grade ones hold a gallon of water, so you can just stand there drinking and pissing in Poseidon’s home for as long as you want. Some will ask, why do you want to make the psychotic Poseidon so angry? Can’t you cut some slack to a guy who was swallowed and then thrown up by his own dad as a child? But those questions will all be answered when you have the glowing skin of a truly quenched sea god antagonist.


So whatever you do, keep on sipping! There may be fewer wandering poets these days to tell your epic tale, but still, Poseidon might kill you!