At the midway point of Pride month this year, 27-year-old heterosexual Jenna Hill is heartbroken to realize that not a single person has called her “queen”.
Jenna considers herself to be in close proximity to the queer community, despite being cis and straight.
“I’m such an ally, every bone in my body can be used for allyship,” Jenna told reporters. “So, I’m just a little shooketh that we are halfway through June and no one has called me queen.”
All month Jenna has been waiting to hear the Q word: Queen. The first week of June, Jenna even texted many friends “HAPPY PRIDE BB!” in hopes she would receive one “Thank you, queen!” But no one texted back the desired response, leaving heterosexual Jenna still waiting to be crowned.
“I would even take cunty or hunny, though I do prefer queen,” Jenna said, adding that she wants ‘queen’ to be preceded by a ‘yas’ or even a ‘slay.’ “Just one ‘Yas, queen!’ to make me feel alive again. Is that too much for a straight girly to ask for?”
Jenna’s queer friends are irritated by her constant pandering in an attempt to be called ‘queen.’
“She’s always staring at me with big puppy dog eyes, in hopes that I will call her ‘queen,’” Jenna’s friend Max explained. “But it’s my month, so why should I give my straight friend the validation she’s so desperately looking for? I’m just gonna make her wait until July 1st.”
Jenna has been waiting outside of gay bars every day in hopes that someone, anyone, will call her queen.
“I don’t know what’s going on,” she said. “Gay men, like, love me! I even had one gay friend in high school! So, I’m honestly just confused why no one has called me queen yet.”
In spite of the lackluster response from the queer community, Jenna says she still has hope for the rest of Pride Month: “All I can do is wait for the affirmation I need. Calling a straight girl queen during Pride only takes two seconds, someone is bound to say it at some point.”
While LGBTQ communities will party and protest throughout June in celebration of Pride, Jenna will wait alone, until it is her turn to be called “queen.”
