Straight Couple Has Audacity to Fuck During Pride Month

In a developing story, it appears that Denver-based cis, heterosexual couple David and Allison Landon had the fucking nerve to have sex—with each other—during LGBTQ Pride Month. The deviance took place in the privacy of Landon’s’ own home, which, to be clear, is no excuse for such abhorrent behavior.


We have decided it is an absolute outrage that David and Allison would do this when everyone knows that straight people do not have the right to experience sexual pleasure in the month of June.


“Oh, I don’t think you’re right about that,” says Allison’s college roommate, Paloma. “As a proud member of the LGBTQ community, I’m spending this month celebrating love. These 30 days aren’t about exclusion. All folks deserve to feel supported, joyful and proud.”


We, respectfully, disagree and believe straight people doing sexy stuff in any fashion during pride is absolutely devastating.


Despite us seeing this as a brazen betrayal to marginalized communities worldwide, many people of all sexual orientations and gender identities are speaking out saying this couple having sex is not the point of the month.


“I don’t think it makes sense to tell us not to have sex,” says Allison, an open and unabashed hetero-sex enthusiast. “Who does it disrupt? We absolutely support LGBTQ people celebrating this month and, honestly, I don’t think you should be making this month about us in any way.”


“Why are you giving this straight couple attention right now,” says Geoff Goridge, who has been happily married to his partner Sam for ten years. “I don’t want to think about them. They can do whatever they want. Meanwhile, I’ll be over here celebrating my journey to becoming a proud gay man.”


Wow, he’s not even considering the potential effects of something as fundamentally disrespectful as a well-meaning couple having straight sex during Gemini season.



The action has left no one, except for us, feeling abandoned by so-called straight allies.


If we can’t trust even David and Allison to completely erase their heterosexuality during Pride, who can we trust?


Sources confirm the only thing untrustworthy is us. An official apology will be issued shortly.