‘Sorry, I’m So Bad at Texting,’ Says Friend Who Is Actually Bad at Friendship

In a recent run-in at a party, the friend who hasn’t texted you back in a few months looked you right in your eyes and said, “Sorry, I’m so bad at texting.” But sources say the absence can actually be traced to the fact that your friend is simply a very bad friend who is bad at friendship.


“I just never check my phone, I guess,” said your friend. “I hate the thing!”


Despite the claim, the supposed friend also asked if you’d seen her Instagram story of her dog Shelly trying to catch a bird from inside a window. You lamented later to your roommates, “Instagram literally only exists on your phone.”


Party-goers also confirmed your friend was seen texting her boyfriend multiple times throughout the evening.


“Sorry,” she said, typing a message. “We just like to know where the other is at and stuff.”


Reports confirm that while she does understand the basic benefits of a standard form of modern communication, she simply doesn’t practice them with you.


Megan Peters, the party host, said your friend has often spoken with her about preferring real-life bonding time over texting or other chatting services, like Facebook Messenger.



“I agreed with her,” said Peters. “But to hang out with someone, you have to, like, make a plan. If I text her asking to get lunch or something she usually just love-reacts the message, responds ‘yes please!!!!!!’ and then doesn’t follow up for three weeks.”


Those close to you have deduced that your friend seems to have forgotten that all friendship consists of is sending texts and making plans to hang out semi-regularly.


Despite the long absence, your friend seems really excited to see you.


“We really should do this more often,” she said as the night ended. When you recommended a time and date, she said she’d have to check her calendar first.


“We’ll def make a plan!” she said. “Just text me.”