Do you want to have the kind of hot, steamy, intense sex that makes corpses rise up from the great beyond? Why splurge on incense, candles and Ouija boards when you can use your powers of seduction instead? We’ve compiled a list of grave-blowing sex tips that will have you shaking in more ways than one. Whether you’re trying to mix it up with your partner or are looking to create an army of the undead, let this list be your guide:
Draw a Romantic Bath for Satan
Add some scented bath salts, put on some sexy tunes, and join him in a steaming hot bath. When your partner is nearing climax, invite Satan’s presence into the room by burning herbs and squeezing the blood from small cross-shaped wounds you’ve carved into both your faces. The arrival of the Dark Lord will make for a more intense orgasm, and he’ll be sure to bring some of his minions from beyond the grave.
Synchronize Your Heartbeats
Slow things down by lying in bed with your hand on your lover’s heart. Once you’ve found the pulse, turn him on by ripping his heart out with your bare hands. Burning his still-beating heart in a sacrificial bonfire, then tantalize him by running naked around the fire is sure to drive him wild. On the Full Moon your partner will arise from the ashes, complete with a battalion of zombies – and a renewed sexual desire.
Chant in a Foreign Language
The dulcet tones of an ancient Latin spell are bound to impress any sexual partner. Chanting is also a key factor in nudging the dead from their eternal slumber. Begin by whispering incantations in his ear and slowly get louder as your lovemaking intensifies. Continue chanting at the top of your lungs as you climax. Your final calls will bring your man to completion, as well as summon a vast army of evil priest corpses.
Sacrificial Blood Money Shot
Spice up a run-of-the-mill facial with a pint of sacrificial goat’s blood! Your man will love the sense of satisfaction that can only come from appeasing the Gods. Be inventive! Dump the goat’s blood on your chest, butt, back or whatever works for you. Be sure to have plenty of wet wipes on hand – you’ll want to be fully cleansed before the dead start knocking at your door!
Record it – Paranormal Activity Style
Nothing spices up a sex tape more than the arrival of those who are no longer living. Set up a video camera and let the events unroll. Playing the recording at future resurrections is a great way to show your man what to expect. Once he sees how the night is going to unfold, the dead won’t be the only thing that’s rising.
Summoning the un-living can be tricky, but when you summon your inner sex demon, nothing is impossible. Just remember to keep your man on his toes – his fear and awe will only add to the experience.