Scientists Made a Big Discovery About Fish That Honestly Will Have to Wait for a Less Chaotic Time

A team of marine biologists in Peru recently made a big discovery about fish that honestly will have to wait for a less chaotic time to come out because no one is really in the right headspace to enthusiastically receive it.


“Relative to the field, it’s a majorly significant discovery,” says Dr. Luci Benalcázar. “However, we know we’ll have better luck getting this the attention it deserves if we wait for a quieter time in the news cycle. Do you know when that might be?”


Surely not.


“Maybe once the vaccine is out, and has successfully been administered to a majority of the population, people will be ready to appreciate this,” says Dr. Benalcázar. “It should at least be the story of the week. I mean, our knowledge of fish is forever changed.”


“When the time does come, I’m excited to share this with the world,” Dr. Benalcázar adds. “It is so good though, should I just say it now?”


Given that we’re not even tempted, we can’t recommend it. And other members of the general public feel the same way.


“I would describe myself as moderately interested to neutral on fish,” says Jaslyn Wright. “And even with that relatively high ranking, I can guarantee that the most groundbreaking news about fish would at most make me stop to read the headline, but I wouldn’t be clicking the article.”


“Presently, the world is so crazy that for news to rise to the top it has to be so important that it can’t be ignored, or so wild and titillating that you’ll be interested for five minutes then move on,” Wright adds. “When it comes to an enduring new development about fish, it’s just not the right time.”


A tough but fair assessment of people’s capacity to care about fish in 2020.


“Right now, members of the team are just celebrating this discovery amongst ourselves and with our families,” says Dr. Benalcázar. “We’re also brainstorming ways to make this advancement in fish knowledge more controversial so that it will generate toxic Twitter discourse and subsequently raise awareness, but so far, no luck.”


At press time, Dr. Benalcázar had offered to whisper the discovery in our ears, but we passed.