The COVID-19 pandemic has been hard for everybody: Across the globe, people have suffered losses of all kinds, from lost loved ones to lost jobs and homes to food insecurity and business bankruptcy. Patience is running thin as we wait for a return to normalcy.
But for Indianapolis single woman Bonnie Klude, 43, the hardest part has been waiting for all that sweet, sweet divorce meat to shake down from the inevitable crush of failed relationships to come.
“I know it’s probably insensitive to say this,” said Klude, knitting her third sweater of the pandemic, “but this may be my biggest romantic opportunity since freshman year of college.”
Klude has crouched by her desk, carefully making a dashboard of people she knows whose relationships are likely under a great deal of stress because of the pandemic, and then highlighted the men in that spreadsheet she thinks are still marginally hot. From there, she hopes to be ready to pounce on the right suitor.
“It helps me focus,” said Klude. “Not everybody on this list is going to get a divorce. But this helps me keep track of trends.”
Klude also has a linked “at-risk” dashboard that tracks several divorce accelerants, including families with one or more kids, families where the current wife is still working and also in charge of the virtual schooling, wives who have an active membership with a wine subscription service, and husbands who say, “Let me know if you need any help with that.”
Critics say Klude is a rank opportunist, circling like a vulture to feast on the misfortune of others. To them, Klude responds that life isn’t fair, which single women know all too well.
“Is the goal to become the second or third wife of a COVID divorce casualty? I don’t know,” said Klude, who admitted to being perfectly happy on her own. “But America is the land of opportunity, and you have to admit, this could be a big opportunity coming my way.”